How to Know if You Can Handle a Long Distance Relationship

I know for most people, the idea of a long-distance relationship is a definitive deal breaker upon meeting a person, and that’s understandable in some circumstances. But what happens if, while you’re out and about in the world, you meet the perfect person in a not-so-perfect place? Should you just give up and label the possibility of your future together as impossible? A little over a year ago I met that person, and even though my brain kept screaming at me to forget about it, my heart told me to keep going (so judge me, I’m a softie sometimes). I’m proud to say that over a year later we are still together and happy as ever, but trust me, it isn’t always easy. I understand that LDRs aren’t for everyone, but I guess they are sort of perfect for people like myself. So how do you know if you can handle it? I’ll tell you.

You can probably make a LDR work if:

  1. You are independent. I love my me-time just as much as I love spending time with others, and that’s a huge part of why my relationship has been successful. Independent people are ok with spending time away from their significant other, and know to cherish their time together all that much more.
  2. You are flexible. To make this type of relationship work, both partners need to be flexible. You may need to be open to different days your significant other can visit and understanding when they have to cancel a Skype date last minute. LDR couples are constantly trying to play with both of their schedules to see where reunions or even phone calls fit best. This especially pertains to LDR couples battling two time zones. You may need to wake up early or stay up late to be able to talk to each other, but it’s worth it when you see their face pop up on the other side of the screen.
  3.  You are open. Openness and communication are key in any LDR. It takes a conscious effort to tell a person what you are doing/have done at almost every point in the day, but you have to understand that without those minor daily details, they literally have no idea what you’re doing or where you are. Similarly, you need to be able to tell your significant other everything you’re feeling because texting and phone calls don’t allow you to convey emotions as you would in person. If you are upset about something the other person did and act like you are totally fine all day, they will think you are totally fine. Simple as that.

You probably can’t make a LDR work if:

  1. You are the relationship type. You know what I mean. That person that bounces from person to person immediately bringing up the possibility of marriage and children only to have it end because the other person is turned off by how clingy they are. If you’re this person, forget about the possibility of a LDR because it’s impossible to be clingy to someone who lives 2,000 miles away. Yes it’s a relationship, but this kind is totally different.
  2. You have trust issues. Can’t trust people? That’s fine, everyone has their reasons, but don’t bother trying to make this work. You’ll spend all your time fretting over what the other person is doing and who the other person is with, driving them away from you and probably causing you unnecessary amounts of anxiety.
  3. You can’t visualize the future. It may sounds strange, but thinking about the future is everything in these types of relationships. If the two of you have no future together, then why stick around if you can’t even be together now? When I say future, I don’t mean you have to discuss getting married and having kids, but you must at least be able to discuss plans for the next time you see each other, and hopefully be excited about it too.

Questions? Let me know. Have your own LDR story? I’d love to hear it!

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3 thoughts on “How to Know if You Can Handle a Long Distance Relationship

  1. I get to experience both, and I think my marriage is stronger because when I am away, I want to come back to her and everything that give me that feeling of discovering someone in the beginning of a relationship.
    When your away and finally come back to your significant other- your more focused on them and how they’ve been, and it never is just small talk to pass time. So from my perspective, if both people are genuine, then distance doesn’t matter.

  2. My ex and I were in a long-distance relationship for 1 1/2 years before we moved in together and lived together for 3 years. After the “honeymoon period” was over, we both realised that we suddenly cramped each other. We needed space. Our relationship was stronger when it was still long-distance and we only got to see each other every other weekend. It made our time together so much more special, anticipation building all week. We each had a life, our own circle of friends. I felt trapped once we were living together.

    1. Sorry to hear that! I guess everyone has their own issues to work through in a relationship and some just can’t be solved. I see how it could be an issue to suddenly be together all the time after so long apart! You just have to hope for the best and roll with what happens.

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